


(re)build

by Shadaras



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, EU/Legends Canon Applies, Gen, Lightsabers, Repurposing EU/Legends characters is clearly the correct thing to do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5462726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadaras/pseuds/Shadaras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“A Jedi’s lightsaber is an extension of their body.” Luke held his lightsaber up in his black-gloved hand, the silver hilt shining between his fingers. “This weapon cannot be mass-produced like blasters or vibroblades; it must be created by the Jedi themself."</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Kylo Ren lost his lightsaber when General Hux carried him to safety. Rebuilding it is a difficult endeavour that requires finding, first and foremost, a new crystal...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“A Jedi’s lightsaber is an extension of their body.” Luke held his lightsaber up in his black-gloved hand, the silver hilt shining between his fingers. “This weapon cannot be mass-produced like blasters or vibroblades; it must be created by the Jedi themself.”

Ben watched Luke’s every movement, barely keeping himself in his seat. The apprentices around him in the Yavin IV temple were equally entranced, though stiller.

“It is certainly possible to wield another Jedi’s blade, once it is created,” Luke continued, smiling at them. His hand and saber dropped back to his side. “My first lightsaber was my father’s. Stories that R2-D2, Mon Mothma, and others have shared tell of Jedi in the Old Republic using each others’ lightsabers in times of crisis. Even those who are not strong in the Force have held them and used them to some effect, though not with the skill of a Jedi.”

Luke’s lightsaber flared to life, and he brought it, buzzing gently, in front of his face. “Each Jedi creates their own lightsaber. In the days to come, I will teach you what I know about lightsaber construction, and you will use that knowledge and the guidance of the Force to build your own.”

*

“I’m _fine_ ,” Kylo Ren growled. His fingers twitched by his side, grasping for a hilt that _wasn’t there_. That woman had broken it with the same stroke that scarred his face -- still healing, still aching every time he spoke.

General Hux raised his eyebrows for a moment, but said nothing.

Kylo Ren huffed and stalked to the other side of the room. The medical facilities of Iridonia left much to be desired. Though the Zabrak who had patched him up had been competent, she had told him that he should rest, or at least -- she’d added, upon the barest hint of the Force choking her -- avoid strenuous activity until his blaster wound healed, which would take most of a week, only using bacta patches and not an immersion.

“Sir,” Hux said carefully, “I was not questioning your strength. I was merely wondering if you wished to join the stormtroopers in myself in rejoining our compatriots. You seemed adamant in that decision yesterday.”

“That was _yesterday_.” He spun to glare at Hux. The man was infuriatingly good at keeping his face blank. “I was, as you may recall, perhaps not wholly in my right mind _yesterday_.”

The barest hint of a quiver flickered across Hux’s shoulders. “Yes, sir.”

“I am going to Ilum in my shuttle. You and your troops will continue with Contingency Plan Eta.” Kylo Ren swatted a lock of hair out of his face. “Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir.” Hux’s eyes were fixed above Kylo Ren’s head. “Anything else, sir?”

“No.”

Hux bowed and retreated, turning only as he reached the door.

When the door hissed shut behind the general, Kylo Ren turned and punched the wall. His fist thudded into the wall with a satisfying sound, and the impact rang through his body, humming in his bones. He punched again, and again, and again, until his knuckles were raw and he sank to his knees, body shaking in tears now that his rage was, for the moment, spent.

*

Ben focused on Luke’s lectures about lightsabers with an intensity that everyone commented upon. The ideas behind lightsabers were simple enough: you have a power cell, a strong and long-lasting one, which provides the charge. A crystal charged with the Force produces the beam itself, which is stabilised by the use of magnets and -- legends say -- other crystals. All that is contained by a hilt, usually made of metal, though any material strong enough to hold the charge could theoretically work.

The hardest part, everyone agreed, was finding the crystal to begin with. Not all crystals would work -- they needed to be pure, and of the correct size. “The Old Republic knew planets where lightsaber crystals occurred naturally,” Luke told them one evening, as they sat on the roof of the academy. “Some of them, like Dantooine, have been destroyed. I suspect there are more out there that were simply lost. The Empire’s purge means that much has been forgotten.”

“Mom says Grandda Bail knew some Jedi when the Alliance was just forming,” Ben said. The bulk of Yavin glowed above them, lighting the sky but dimming the stars. “Do you know if they’re still around?”

He felt the excitement of his fellow apprentices, and then the deeper sorrow from Luke. “I do not believe so,” he said quietly. “If they are still around, they have their reasons for not coming to help me train you. I’ve spoken to Leia about those transitional Jedi, and the New Republic has been looking for them.” Luke’s sigh resonated in the Force, wishful and resigned in equal measure. “Perhaps one day they’ll join us, and we’ll regain more of what was lost.”

Ben nodded, and looked back up at the stars. Maybe he’d find one of those Jedi someday. He had to live up to the legacy in his blood somehow, after all.

*

Programming the route into his shuttle was a meditation that Kylo Ren almost enjoyed. The flight through hyperspace would take a little over a standard day, and the doctors and crew couldn’t even complain at him about resting. He would be forced to rest, but it would be productive and not broken by having other people’s presences ghosting against him in the Force. He’d be able to _think_.

And if he dreamt, nobody would need to witness his dreams.

His fingers paused on the keys, and Kylo Ren shook himself out of the trance. He was done now. Hux and his troopers were on their way to Vardoss IV, following a carefully convoluted route to throw off anyone attempting to tail them. He was on his way to Ilum, on a route chosen by the Force. He would get there and rebuild his lightsaber with a crystal the old Jedi Order would have used.

Kylo Ren shuddered, and stood up abruptly, slamming the _engage_ button on the console. Autopilot took over, engines humming and rousing their way to the full power needed for lightspeed. Kylo Ren stood in the center of his shuttle, watching the stars as they danced and slowly stretched into the all-encompassing nothingness of hyperspace.

He would be the first person on this planet since the Jedi Purge.

A thought, unbidden, came to his mind, and he screamed and ripped one of the seats out of the wall, tossing it into another with the force, listening to the wrenching sound of metal breaking and twisting, letting the feeling flow through him until he could sit, rigid, in the midst of the destruction and almost forget the idea still echoing in his mind:

_Luke would have been so proud of me._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is an homage to both "The Gathering" ( _The Clone Wars_ , s5e6,) and _Young Jedi Knights: Lightsabers_ , which I have not read in years but still remember quite a bit of...

The Massassi temple on Yavin IV that the Rebel Alliance had used as their base, and then Luke had converted into his Jedi academy, had its strong points. It was well-protected, easy to defend, and there was so much life on the planet around them that Luke could teach all sorts of lessons about feeling the Force flowing through you -- just like Yoda had taught him.

Ben was aware of all this, and appreciated it, but that didn’t keep the oppressive summer heat from sending sweat trickling down his back while he was trying to focus. He kept his gaze fixed on the thyrsl in front of him. The serpentine creature’s legs twitched, but its eyes stayed on Ben’s, and it didn’t seem inclined to move any closer. “Good,” Ben muttered to himself. “Now, let’s just...” He reached forward, keeping calm flowing to the thyrsl as he did so, until he touched the skittish reptile’s head.

His hand stayed there for approximately five seconds before the thyrsl’s alarm broke his hold, and it turned at fled. Ben sighed, and sat back, wiping sweat off his forehead as he did. “At least it didn’t bite me, this time,” he said, turning to his fellow apprentice, Telki.

The Chadra-Fan shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re trying to prove, charming them.”

“It can be done,” Ben said, shrugging. “And it’s something _other_ than thinking about lightsabers.”

Tekli chittered, ears twitching in a way that Ben knew meant she was thinking something over. “What’s wrong with thinking about lightsabers?” she finally asked.

“Nothing.” Ben stood and started walking back to the main temple. It was cooler inside the thick stone walls. “I just wish Master Luke had a better idea of how to get us crystals than either asking Lando’s contacts or suggesting we grow our own.”

“Slow down!” Tekli scolded, her short legs taking two or three steps for every one of Ben’s. As he slowed, the little Chadra-Fan said, soberly, “Patience is a virtue he thinks it wise to cultivate.”

Ben shoved his hands in his pockets before his friend could see how hard it was for him to keep them from turning into fists. “I know. I just wish becoming a Jedi didn’t involve so much waiting.”

Tekli sighed, and gently touched his arm as they passed into the shadow of the temple, and the relief of the cooler rooms inside.

*

The landing on Ilum more than made up for the boredom of the hyperspace journey preceding it. Kylo Ren swore as he maneuvered the shuttle through wind and snow, cursing whatever twists of fate and the Force meant that lightsaber crystals grew naturally on inhospitable planets. He couldn’t see anything as he came down. Half his instrument panel was useless, sensors crusted over by ice.

“Is this the Force’s way of making sure that nobody gets here without deserving to?” he growled at the sleet swirling in front of him. The long wings of his _Upsilon_ -class shuttle were wonderful for dramatic entrances. They were incredibly unhelpful, he was finding, when the winds swirling around him seemed to _want_ him to slam into the ground. “Kill the instruments, make sure that the wind is harsh enough to toss me into a mountain?”

It certainly made it very difficult to get into the proper mindset to _use_ the Force to guide him down. It took two aborted entries, where Kylo Ren retreated to the safety of low orbit, before he finally calmed himself enough to enter a meditative trance before even beginning his approach to Ilum’s surface. The rhythm of his breath was familiar, an old companion he hadn’t tried to find for... years, really. Working with the First Order under Supreme Leader Snoke, more physical meditations were more often appropriate. He’d learnt the breathing meditations first, though, and when he finally settled into it, the sense of purpose and surety was at once immensely comforting and frightening in a way he refused to contemplate.

This time, the winds seemed less like opponents and more like guides, and Kylo Ren allowed the sweep of his shuttle’s wings to catch on the wind. The snow didn’t lessen, but neither did it blast into his viewscreen and instruments so strongly; by the time he settled the shuttle on the ground in front of an imposingly carved cliff wall, the instruments had almost come back to life. He took his time ensuring that the shuttle wouldn’t freeze while he walked into the cave, delaying the moment when he had to walk into the storm on his own.

At last, there was nothing more that he could do. Kylo Ren drew his coat tight around his body, and pulled up the fur-lined hood, then set out, into the snow and the cave.

*

“I’m telling you, I can _do_ this!” Ben said, trying very hard to keep his voice even. “I just need to keep focused, right? That’s not too hard.”

“I don’t doubt your focus, Ben,” Luke said. His voice was just as calm as the river that ran beneath the temple. “All I asked was if you were sure you knew the precise alignment of crystal matrices you’ll be shaping.”

Ben clasped his hands behind his back, trying not to fidget. “I know them.”

“You know that some of your fellow apprentices have tried this and either failed to maintain focus or created a flawed crystal.”

Ben nodded.

Luke sighed, and said, “The materials are in--”

Before he could finish his sentence, Ben abandoned his self-control and hugged his uncle. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Luke said, returning the hug as best he could when his arms were trapped. “The materials, as I was saying, are on level four, in the north wing. I’d suggest using one of the rooms up there; they’re nice and quiet, good for keeping focus.”

Ben pulled back from Luke and grinned. “Thank you for the advice, Master.”

Luke smiled at him, and Ben darted away without another word, ready to get started creating his very own lightsaber crystal.

*

The wind had died down to a mere whisper, and snow lay calm on the ground as Kylo Ren walked to the cliff wall. It shone in the weak and newly-risen sunlight, ground clean by wind and snow. There was a door in the cliff face, and Kylo Ren approached it, eager to get inside the crystal caves. When he reached it, he found that the door was sealed shut with ice, which Kylo Ren solved by shoving at it with the Force until the ice broke and he could slide it open.

Inside, the sun shone through ice and some holes in the cliff face, illuminating a waterfall that was still frozen up near the very top of the cavern. Kylo Ren stood in the middle of the room, admiring the clear blue light until he realised that if he didn’t enter the caves -- because from the tug at the back of his mind, the entrance had to be through that waterfall -- while the sunlight was somehow melting all the snow into free water, it was going to be noticeably harder to enter.

Or, for that matter, exit.

Kylo Ren grimaced and marched forward. His only consolation, with all the ice and snow, was that it meant his body was numb enough not to feel the pain of his half-healed wounds so deeply. The cut across his face ached still, but he could ignore it, especially when following the Force. As he stepped through the slowly dripping water, he shivered, and let out a long, slow breath.

“Only I shall remain,” he whispered to himself, and walked into the darkness. The caves swallowed him, leaving only the soft _plip, plip, plip_ of the waterfall behind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no, I didn't forget about this, I just got really sidetracked by my [sunshine children ot3 fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5480753).
> 
> Sorry for the wait, but I have an update for you now!

The equipment was fairly straight-forward. Ben examined it closely, letting lessons from his father and Uncle Chewie float through his mind. Good condition, so if it’s going to break it’s about the manufacturer, or the set-up, not about it being broken. He took it down to an empty room he’d spent the last day cleaning to a fault. He couldn’t allow anything to contaminate the equipment while he was using it.

Carefully, he set everything up: the silica-rich fluid, the electric burner to keep everything at the right temperature, the electric array that would help him draw the crystals into alignment, the pillow he’d be meditating on while he guided everything into perfection.

Ben looked at it and nodded. He would start the next morning, after a good night of sleep and a big breakfast. It wouldn’t do to fail simply because he fell asleep or his belly broke his concentration.

*

Kylo Ren strode into the darkness, his anger burning like a lantern in his chest to light his way. He didn’t have a lightsaber. He hadn’t brought a lamp. There was nothing but the unremitting darkness.

It was almost nice, until he ran straight into a wall.

He spent three solid minutes swearing at the wall, the darkness, and the cave, because he got the distinct sense that it was _laughing_ at him.

Kylo Ren rubbed his nose (which had hit the wall first), and glared uselessly at the darkness. He couldn’t see a thing, not even his hand. He was clothed in shadows, and it wasn’t like when he and Supreme Leader Snoke had called the night to them on a mission; then, it had only overwhelmed the senses of their foes, leaving them free to see everyone and destroy anything in their way. This was affecting _him_. He was supposed to be of the Dark, not be _beaten_ by it.

He reached out a hand. It didn’t hit a wall, for which he was grateful. Slowly, he concentrated on moving the darkness away from his eyes until he could see. When Kylo Ren felt a wash of coolness on his face, he opened his eyes. He could see his nose. That was an improvement. He still couldn’t see his hand, though, so it wasn’t _enough_ of an improvement.

He growled, and let his rage and pain flow through his hand and eyes and into the shadows, forcing it away until he could _see_ , for just a moment--

Crystals glittered all around him, endless and cold and looking like nothing so much as beautiful fractal patterns of ice. Kylo Ren gasped, and suddenly there was nothingness around him again. He fell to his knees, the ice burning through his pants, and caught himself on the ground.

No. He could not fall to _crystals_. He was here to _master_ them.

He struggled to his feet and took another step forward.

*

Ben dropped a seed of clear quartz into his silica liquid, turned on the heater and the electrostimulator, and then sat on his pillow. It took him three deep breaths to calm himself enough to sit still, and another five before he lost count and could actually focus on forming his crystal.

Quartz was common, but stable. Its structure was simple and lovely, and had enough intrinsic variation while still being strong that it could survive imperceptible imperfection, if necessary. Ben let his consciousness drift until he connected with his seed crystal. It was a pure quartz, the structure already free of imperfection. He was using it as the basis of his lightsaber crystal for exactly that reason; it was easier to continue a pattern than create one from scratch.

The seed crystal, which he’d been carrying around for the last few weeks in preparation, welcomed him. The familiarity brought a smile to Ben’s face, and he sank into the pattern, carefully calling to the silicon and oxygen already in the fluid, and asking it to fall into alignment.

*

Kylo Ren could feel the hundreds of tiny cuts on his hands and face. He kept running into walls, and they were covered with crystals, and the crystals _hurt_. He still couldn’t see, not really; occasionally he saw glimmers of light in the corners of his eyes, but he suspected he was making those up out of sheer need for some kind of visual input.

It didn’t help that he was almost certain the cave kept changing around him. He thought he’d mapped it out, crawling (humiliatingly) on his hands and knees, and as soon as he’d stood up and taken a confident step, the cave had run into his face. Again.

So now he was sitting in a clear spot in the middle of the cave, his useless eyes closed. A Jedi sent here, Luke and his holocrons had said, was able to sense the crystal meant for them. It was just a matter of opening up and letting the Force guide them to the correct crystal, which would always be known to its proper owner, even if it was hidden in the midst of a cluster of a hundred seemingly-identical crystals.

It had been a long time since he’d had a use for meditation that wasn’t about being the eye of the hurricane in battle. He could feel, with every breath in, his body complain at him that it wasn’t healed, that it hurt. He could sense, with every breath out, the wasteland of cold that surrounded him. In the pause at the zenith and nadir of his breaths, he could almost -- _almost_ \-- feel something calling to him.

The call wasn’t quite like the call of the Light that he fought. It was quieter, an ember to the light’s blazing sun. It was something he felt in his hands, not in his heart, and he let his hands move towards it.

If crawling was what it took to achieve his goal, so be it. Nobody was here to see him. Nobody would need to know.

Kylo Ren kept his focus on his breathing and the wavering sense of heat on his hands. It was a child’s game, finding his way to a place by the sensation of warmth, and one made more challenging by his disinclination to get himself stabbed by sharp crystals on the way.

When he finally burnt himself on the flame, his eyes jerked open, and he _saw_ , for the first time in hours, a single crystal, glowing gently in his grasp.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and drew it out of its cluster. It dimmed, and Kylo Ren hesitated. If he finished pulling it free, he wouldn’t be able to see anymore.

No matter. It was worth it.

Kylo Ren took the crystal, and the cave plunged into darkness once more.


End file.
